Blah blah blah blah blah blah blahhhh. Yippee, the sun is up. Forces my eyelids open. The cat is screaming at me to get upright. Why? There's food in her dish, there's water in her bowl. What more could she possible desire? She's not an overly affectionate cat, nor is she extremely playful. Mainly she just lays around and yells at me. Occasionally bites and scratches me, but mainly is just whisker full of complaints.

Yea, okay. I'm up. Now what. I don't work today. I have nothing that I want to do. I have lots of things that I need to do, but I have about as much ambition to motivate myself as three toed sloth. Just feeling slow and blah and wanting to sleep. Am hungry, but don't have the desire to make anything to eat. I just wanna sit here. Not sure if I even want to type here, just wanna sit. Not do anything. Just sit and close my eyes. Ears too. Don't want to see anything, don't want to hear anything. Don't want to do anything. I feel like a big ole rock at the bottom of a fast moving river. Life keeps moving around me at breakneck speed, but I'm stuck. Stuck in the glop and the grime of a muddy depression.

6 hours after awakening I finally drag my behind into the shower. For what. I have no where to go today. Nothing to do today. The cat doesn't care about how fresh I smell or if my hair is all funky looking in a bad just rolled out of bed look kind of way. I'm not anticipating any company, except for the cable repair guy and I don't care what I look like when he gets here. Hell, I just want him to hook up my cable again and leave, not looking for his social graces. He showed up a few hours ago thankfully, so now at least there's some noise in this empty apartment again. No phone, no tv and no internet makes for a very quiet lonely night. I can't go quite that far with it though, I did find my old rabbit ears in the basement and did manage to hook em up so I could watch the local news and then headlines with Jay Leno. Not as comical as previous episodes, but I did manage a chuckle or two. That's difficult for me lately. Laughing. Me and Mr. Kleenex have been spending lots of time together.

Ok. I have to go find something to eat now, my stomach isn't going to tolerate being ignored much longer. My typing strength is diminishing. That and I'm ready for a nap.

ha...

Peace, quiet and alone-ness. Oh I have that in abundance. I sit here wishing my cat, the one and only other creature I share my residence with, would sit with me and give me something other than attitude and sarcastic screeching....but she's rejected me, yet again. I have that affect on other creatures it seems. Oh, the spiders hunt me down to taunt me and heckle me though.

My move. Ahh yes... my newly acquired spatial freedom from a discontented love. I find myself second-guessing this scenario. The silence isn't golden, it's maddening and deafening and depressing and black. I'm trying to find serenity and tranquility, but I seem to only have found a need to restock my kleenex inventory and to buy an ashtray. That nasty habit I so .... thought successfully.... kicked over 2 years ago has provided the crutch I seem to need to lean on. I have the strength of an overcooked rice noodle and the willpower of a kid in a candy store and a lack of concern for my health and welfare at this point in time. I'm listening to the constant growling in my stomach and am not the least bit interested in eating anything other than a few pistachios which happened to yell at me the other day in the grocery store. Yell, they jumped up from the shelf and catapulted themselves right into my cart without my even noticing until I was way over at the dairy section. Gotta get cream for my coffee. What's coffee without it? Okay, so you may not like it that way, but hell, this is my blog and I like cream in my coffee. Milk just won't do. At the rate I'm going, this is my shot of dairy for the day.

Oh yea, back to my solitudely silence. New word there, like it? With my new best friend,
Mr. K. Leenex, we are spending many nights here at my new abode. It's lovely that he's always around when I need him. Follows me around from room to room. Sits with me on the most uncomfortable sofa bed ever constructed and joins me for hours at a time while I sit, leaking salt water, gushing salt water, oh so quietly so the upstairs neighbours aren't bothered by my stifled sobs. I'm so glad I at least have him for company. My cat couldn't care less about me.

I've lost interest in unpacking, organizing and finishing up setting up house. Screw the boxes. They'll wait. They always do. Screw the dirty dishes in the sink that have been there for so long they've invited many friends over for a dry pool party. Heck. Tonight is garbage night. I have nothing to put out.....oh no, wait a minute....last night was garbage night. I still have nothing to put out. Recycle night tonight. I have a blue box full of crumpled up, black streaked, little white squares of post-consumer tissue though. I'm miserable and lonely and oh gee...ya think... depressed? My gawd. I now there are hundreds of thousands of people on this planet who have it so much worse off than I do. For heaven sakes...they don't even have computers to blog on about their troubles. What could I possibly have to be sad and depressed about? How could my life suck that much that I need this little pity party and stock in the facial tissue company? Oh I don't know....maybe because I'm failing in so many aspects and feel like I've fallen and don't know how to get up, let alone to get up. I grew up wishing I could be a bank robber, or a car thief, or better yet, how about a psychopathic homicidal maniac? Alright, perhaps I'm exaggerating slightly there. Actually, I wanted to dig up dinosaur bones, but didn't dig up good enough grades or the discipline and determination to excel in school, so I ended up finishing high school, barely, with disappointing grades and a desire to lounge around in the sun like my neighbour down the road, all slathered up in baby oil and frying to a nice golden brown.

Now I'm in my 40's. Alone. In a go nowhere position, with no financial future, and no George Clooney knocking on my door for company. Hell, I don't even have the baby oil any longer. But I have lots of kleenex. For now. What happens when he's gone as well? He'll get tired of me using him up and tossing him away as well. Seems I'm really good at that. Tossing away. Running and tossing....tossing and running. I had thought I'd only be losing out on material goods with this relocation situation, but I was oh so blindly incorrect. I've lost out on quite a bit more than just that camera I so loved. I've lost out on so much more. I have lost the snoring, but detest the silence I've gained. I've lost the prickly moustache I so wished he would have trimmed down more neatly, but detest the lack of kisses. I've tossed away the conversations and gained sadness and detest the solitary, quiet hours spent watching the clock tick by the hours, waiting for something that isn't going to come. The tender looks. The poetic prose. The cuddly hugs and the splendid foot rubs. I've run and tossed.

I think I may have unfortunately run and tossed away something pretty good. Now I'm at a loss as to what to do next. I miss my man. I miss my life. I miss me. I don't know where I am. I don't know where I'm going. I don't know how I'm going, or how I'm going to get to...... where?

Stress

Isn't it wonderful! The constant racing palpatations of the heart, not in a joyous fashion of course. The lack of appetite, resulting in the stomach not having anything else to use it's splendid acid to devoir, so it turns to the lining of itself to munch on, causing painful ulcers to occur. How does one zone out from the drone of discontent, disappointment and disillusion? One moves from their present residence to another, leaving behind a toxic and unfulfilling relationship, to discover the treasures of peace, contentment and aloneness. Also the silent snoreless nights will be a treat.

There is much I'm losing in this adventure. Material things mostly. The one I will truly miss is the wonderous 35mm digital camera I've grown to love using. I've got to get me one of those beauties, this small point and shoot gadget I've got is not as varied in it's abilities and the quality of the shots aren't as good, but it's better than a kick in the pants of course.

There's much I'm gaining in this move though. My sanity. I'm looking forward to feeling better. I'm looking foward to being rid of the constant pain in my gut and in my heart. I'm looking forward to the lack of restraints and the lack of complaints, and won't miss the lack of attention, respect, understanding and communication.

I've got a lot to do though, my new pad is a mess! I've got to rent me a carpet cleaner and get me some Mr. Clean, so I'd better get at it. Cleaning up that place and cleaning up my life are just two steps I need to take to get me to a better place. I've got a few more to go. I'm eagerly looking forward to finding the peace and serenity in my life that I found in these photos.

From Eh, to Zed, Thoughts, Ideas and Dreams of Life From A Canadian Mind

Hello. My name is Mio. I'll be your blogger today.

Fasten your seatbelts, it's going to be a bumpy night.

I thought I'd try my hand at this blogging thing, but I'm not sure what this endless expanse of blackness is all about. I have many interests, walking, photography, reading, cycling, camping, scrapbooking, I'd like to try writing, hence this blog I suppose. I'd like to be posting all sorts of thoughts, ideas, wishes, dreams, complaints, visions, vents, and perhaps even a photo or two, like this one here taken one snowy night not all that long ago. I'd love to learn more about photography and to travel the world, viewing it through my lenses and see all that this huge wonderful planet has to offer before we human beings kill it.

So now you know a little bit about me. Tune again and

maybe you will learn some more!!

See you later! - Mio :D